I wasn't going to write an entry today because my last two weeks have not been perfect! Now, how crazy is that? I still have not been able to eliminate pop completely and I had one day where I just binged and binged and binged. I binged on healthy foods and then I gave in to temptation and went to the store and bought pure junk and proceeded to eat all of that as well. I tried to figure out what was bothering me, hoping to pinpoint just what had triggered the desire to binge so that I could avoid it at all costs in the future, but to no avail. All I know is that I made no attempts to stop the binging once it started that day. It was as if I had decided that since I had started down that path, I had to continue with the binge. There was no going back! And then I felt like CRAP afterwards, physically and emotionally.
So, does that mean that there is no hope for me? No, it does not! It simply means that I have more learning and growing to do! I am learning from others who have been on this path before me that I can stop binging and ask for help at any point along the way. Now, that may sound easy, but for any of you who have been there, you know that it is not. But I hear it can be done and so I have faith that if others have been able to do it, than so can I, as long as I don't give up along the way.
All too often, I place unreasonable expectations on myself and when I do not live up to them, I beat myself up for not being a "stronger" person, or a "healthier" person in this case. I expect perfect adherence to principles and guidelines, which cannot possibly be achieved, and then I wonder why I am so frustrated with myself for falling short. What I am failing to realize is that as long as I stick with it and don't give up on my goal of living a healthier life, I'm not really falling short in the end. I have to remember that this is not a race and that I have countless opportunities to make better choices for myself that nurture my body, my mind, and my soul.
Despite the binge, I did still lose weight. As of today, I weigh 393.1 pounds, for a total loss of 13.9 pounds! Yippee! I have been able to stay off of the scale, except for my weekly weigh-ins on Monday mornings, which is a miracle in itself. I'm really working hard on not obsessing about the numbers on the scale and instead, focusing on how I am feeling and what I am able to do. Once again, I am able to bend over and tie my shoes while sitting on the side of the bed, which I could not do six weeks ago when I was at my highest weight of 421 pounds. Progress, not perfection, and on that note, I think that I will continue on this journey, one day at a time!